Isn't It Funny

By Laurence M. Vance
Nov. 03, 2015

Not all comedians are in comedy clubs or on Saturday Night Live. Many of them are ordinary, run-of-the-mill conservatives. And many of them live in my state of Florida.

What makes these comedians even funnier than most others is that it is not what they say that is so funny, it is what they don't say--about marijuana.

In the election in 2014, there was on the Florida ballot for the first time a proposed constitutional amendment to legalize the medical use of marijuana. It needed at least 60 percent of the vote to pass, but fell short with only about 57.5 percent.

The Florida Supreme Court recently set a date of December 8 to hear oral arguments on a new proposed medical marijuana amendment. To appear on the ballot, the court must first certify that the amendment is not misleading and that it focuses on a single subject.

The political committee "People United for Medical Marijuana" is spearheading the effort to get the marijuana initiative on the 2016 ballot. It needs to submit over 683,000 valid petition signatures by February to get it on the ballot.

Proponents of the amendment are counting on the probable increased turnout of young voters--because 2016 is a presidential election year--to help pass the measure.

This is all well and good, since anyone in Florida ought to be able to take whatever medication he thinks will relieve his pain or improve his condition.

But since the news broke about the Florida Supreme Court setting a hearing date for this proposed amendment, I have heard grumblings from conservatives in Florida about how the amendment is a bad idea, how the liberals are taking over, how marijuana is a gateway drug, how marijuana has no medical value, how users of medical marijuana just want to legally get high, how we are going down a slippery slope toward full marijuana legalization, how healthy people will begin feigning sickness to get legal access to marijuana, and how civilization in Florida is coming to an end.

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives ever utter a word about the most dangerous, most inexpensive, most readily available, and most abused drug: alcohol?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that all drugs used to be legal in the United States?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that medical marijuana is already legal in 25 states and the District of Columbia.

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives have ever heard of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (LEAP)?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the number of marijuana deaths each year is zero?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that smoking marijuana is less hazardous than smoking tobacco, which kills over 400,000 Americans every year?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives want aspirin to be banned even though it kills hundreds more people every year than marijuana?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that Alaska, Colorado, Oregon, Washington, and the District of Columbia have legalized marijuana for recreational use and that society there is still functioning and civilized?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that there have been over 200 peer-reviewed published studies demonstrating marijuana's efficacy for various medical uses?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the federal government actually classifies marijuana in the same category as dangerous drugs like heroin, thus making marijuana worse than morphine, cocaine, methamphetamine, and phenobarbital?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that marijuana has low addictive properties?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that casual use of marijuana by adults poses little or no risk for healthy people?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that there are more arrests for marijuana possession every year than for all violent crimes put together?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the criminalization of marijuana has not affected the general usage of marijuana?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the federal war on marijuana is rooted in myth and xenophobia?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the U.S. government has made fantastical assertions about marijuana use causing insanity and criminality?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that smoking marijuana cannot lead to a fatal overdose?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the Constitution nowhere authorizes the federal government to regulate, monitor, or restrict the consumption, therapeutic, medical, or recreational habits of Americans?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the Constitution nowhere authorizes the federal government to criminalize, prohibit, control, or regulate the planting, growing, harvesting, or selling of any plant?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the Constitution nowhere authorizes the federal government to ban any substance?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives know that the Constitution nowhere authorizes the federal government to have an Office of National Drug Control Policy or a Drug Enforcement Administration?

Isn't it funny how few of these conservatives can even spell marijuana?

It is beyond funny. It is tragic. People's lives and livelihoods are at stake. In a free society any resident of Florida or any other state should be able to legally buy, sell, smoke, possess, distribute, transport, cultivate, process, give away, trade, barter, import, export, advertise, consume, or "traffic in" marijuana in any form and in any amount, not just for medical purposes, but for any purpose.

Isn't it funny how Floridians and Americans think they live in a free society?